Platinum Clubhouse Newbridge, Co.Kildare, Ireland.
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May 2006 Newsletter


Here we are at the month of May and looking forward to the summer weather. We have had some good days so far, and the days are warming up as well as getting brighter. We hope you all get out and about to enjoy the summer weather. Thanks to everyone involved in helping us to achieve our 3 year accreditation. Thank you all… lets celebrate.


If anyone has any articles or comments they would like to submit please e-mail them to us at:

May Time

Nelson Eddie sang about it…” Love time.. May”! It’s notquite “June is busting out all over” but maybe May has more romantic links in a more subtle way. Happy birthday to my Mum and to Carmel (yes the Carmel in Platinum!) this month. “One day when we were young that wonderful morning in May you told me you loved me when we were young one day” I think that is how the song goes. After a very cold Spring our expectation of May is probably enhanced as we all look forward to a somewhat delayed late Spring burst of growth. This growth has it’s special charms even if daffodils and crocuses and snowdrops are now over.
This brings me on to “bring flowers of the fairest, bring blossoms the rarest” with May bushes, May flowers (there was an historic ship called ‘The Mayflower’ also) May processions etc.

Very few sailors will not know what a Mayday distress call is (or a Pan Pan). I also like to remember cowslips and primroses in perfusion, the former in the fields and the latter under a good uncut hedgerow with hazel and elder trees, mainly on the sunny side of the country roads. Now fields of cowslips are rare but thanks to forest trails that have been preserved we still can see bluebells, wild garlic and violets and primroses at their ‘nature best’.
Well ‘have a good day’ … no what I mean is ‘have a romantic May!

Best from Lydia

Patricia’s Jokes

Teacher “Which is further away, Canada or the moon?
Pupil “ Canada”.
Teacher “Why do you say that”?
Pupil “Because you can see the moon and you can’t see Canada”.

Q: What did the secretary do with her nails?
A: She filed them.

Q: What’s your dogs name?
A: Don't know, he will not tell me.

Q: Which animals are the last to leave the ark?
A: Elephants-They had to carry their trunks.

Q: Why did the doctor come to the window?
A: It had panes.

A miner had just won a car in a raffle but seemed sad.
“What’s wrong” asked his friend.
“It’s this other ticket.
Why did I have to buy it?”

“Doctor doctor-I feel like a burger”.
“ Well here is some money. Go and buy one”

Q: What is the most popular food in heaven?
A: Angel cakes.

Q: What’s sweet, tall and French?
A: The trifle tower.

Q: Is there tomato on the menu.
A: There was, but I wiped it off.

Q When do children like school the most?
A: When it’s closed.

I am the beginning of sorrow, and the end of sickness.
You can never express happiness without me,
yet I am in the midst of crosses.
I am always in risk, but never in danger.
You may find me in the sun,
but I am never out of darkness.
What am I?
The letter S.

Q What’s the difference between electricity and lighting?
A: You have to pay for electricity. You don’t have to pay for light.

Q Where does Wednesday come after Thursday?
A: In the dictionary.

Customer-”I have to return this carpet; which I bought from you last week. You said it was in mint condition.” Shopkeeper-”So it is madam. Look at the hole in the middle of it”.

Q: A customer complained to her butcher about sausages which she had bought from him last week.
“They were all meat at one end, all bread at other” she said
“I’m sorry madam” the butcher replied. “In these hard times its difficult to make both ends meat.”

Q: What animal is found on every legal document?
A: A seal.

Mary-“What’s your brother doing these days”
Tom- “Nothing”
Mary-“I thought he’d apply for that job in ‘O’ Brines
Tom-“Yes he got the job”
Mary-“He’s lucky. My brother is unemployed and living above his income”
Tom-“How did he manage that?”
Mary-“He’s got a flat above the Social Security Office.”

Q: What’ s always in ill health and never in good spirits?
A: The letter L.

Pointing to some cows in a field a man said to his wife,
“its going to rain. If cows are lying down it means it’s going to rain and if they’re standing up it means it will be dry”.
The woman looked rather sceptical. A little later she noticed some more cows.
Some were lying down and some were standing up and some were lying down.
“What’s your latest forecast” she asked sarcastically.
He paused and declared confidently- “Scattered showers”

Accreditation Upgrade News

We are delighted to let everybody know that in April, we received confirmation from the ICCD in New York that we had achieved the requirements outlined by them in order to succeed for a certification with a return visit in 3 years.

This is a great boost to the Platinum Clubhouse community and also profound news for all those involved in attaining such a high standard.

Many thanks to all our members and staff and all others who have helped us to reach this milestone. We are still the only Irish Clubhouse which has achieved a successful accreditation visit.


What a National Hunt Season

As the National Hunt Season draws to a close with only the Fairyhouse and Punchestown festivals left, it is time to look back on what has been a great season for the Irish at home and abroad. At Cheltenham, the Irish had ten winners, one more than last year. Like last year we won the Champion hurdle with Brave Inca, the Champion Chase with New Mill, and the Gold Cup with War of Attrition. Other Irish winners were, Nicanor, Sky’s the Limit etc. Then to put the icing on the cake we won the Grand National with Numbersixvalverde, trained on the Curragh of County Kildare by Martin Brassill. During the National Season our jump jockeys were in top form with the likes of N. P. Madden, A. P. McCoy, R. Walsh, Paul Carberry and his sister Nina all winning big races. Now we look forward to the Flat Season. We hope and pray that horses like George Washington, Horatio Nelson, Art Museum, Frosty Giant, Reach for the Stars, etc live.


My First Day in Platinum Clubhouse

It was my first day today 10th April 2006 at Platinum Clubhouse Newbridge. I arrived here at 9:40 I had to sign my name in a book and the time I arrived at. This is so that everybody can be accounted for. Everybody made me feel very welcome; one of the members made me a cup of tea. Later on I was shown where to put my belongings. I met a lot of people I knew which was very comforting as I was very nervous on my first day. The staff and other members are very nice and helpful. As I am only a prospective member at the moment, I hope that in the near future I can become a fully-fledged member. I would recommend it to anybody out there who is looking for a place to come for friendship, a relaxed atmosphere, and fun.


Conference Report

Hello readers my name is Patrick and I am here to talk about the conference myself and Carmel went to up in Dublin. The day started early and Carmel collected me at 7am I didn’t mind though as it was a long journey up and knew I would get a few hours kip. When we arrived we met up with our colleagues Dave and Geraldine from Conai Clubhouse. Just had time for a quick smoke to calm the nerves and then make our way down to the room where we would be giving our presentation. The room was laid out exactly how we wanted it. Before any Presentations could begin we had to go to the main hall where the different workshops and the whole point of this conference were being explained and just the low down on EVE progress in the last couple of years. Then it was time for us to go through a run through of our speeches, which I have to say I was looking forward to very much because I had been quite nervous the week previous when we had been going through it.

Dave and Geraldine went through theirs and just when it was time for my mine we had to make our way back to the main hall to here the second half of EVE talk. After that all the different people went to the workshop they wanted to go to. The first session had a good turn out and when everyone was ready we began our talk. Dave started and spoke very well noting to look at the audience while talking. Then it was Geraldine’s turn, who spoke well too. It came to me then and when I started off I was a bit nervous but when I got in to it I was happy with what I was saying. Carmel’s turn then who talked about everything we had not mentioned and then summarised the talk to finish. We took questions at the end then and I think everyone was pleased with our answers and presentation. We broke for dinner then and had a smoke and back to the second session. It was pretty much the same as the first except we had more Clubhouse people than not. When it was finished I made my way home with Ian, Clive, Brid, Eileen and was delighted the day was over.
That’s my story, thanks.


Handy Tips

When washing glass, a drop of vinegar in the water and plenty of newspaper give the best results,
with little or no streaking.
Remember to dry the glass as much as possible using the newspaper.


On Tuesday 4th April we went to Roll n Bowl in Portlaoise straight after the normal closing time of 4 p.m. We had two lanes booked in the bowling alley. Mary drove the mini-bus down and Eileen D was co-pilot. We had two teams of four including staff. On the “A” team we had Patrick as captain and the other members of his team were myself (Clive), Peter K and Eileen D. On the “B” team Wesley was captain in his first social of the club, he was joined by Mary, Michael T and Brid. The first game went to the “B” team with Wesley proving to be a bit of a “shark”. In the second game my team got revenge winning handsomely and I was delighted to get a few strikes. For those of you not familiar with the terminology a strike is when you knock all ten skittles down in one roll of the bowl. We all thoroughly enjoyed ourselves and myself, Wesley and Patrick all had a quick game of pool and again Wesley beat us. He was impressed with his first social and he said he would definitely go again. Finally we went to Super Macs for grub and we were all delighted with the cuisine and the service was excellent.



Get Well wishes to: All our members who are unwell.

Birthdays: Stephen L, Stephen C, Tony, Annette C, Denis O C, Francis, Patrick M, Pat H, Stephen M, Anthony & Carmel

Welcome to our new members: David O’S

Congratulations: to Eileen on becoming a grandmother for the first time.

Disclaimer: The views, opinions and beliefs expressed in this newsletter are not necessarily the views of Platinum Clubhouse.

Contributors: Lydia, Patricia, Patrick, Clive, Philip, Fidelma, Tom

Editorial team: Tom, Fidelma, Clive,

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