Jokes
and Gags
Q What am I?
Through a rock, through
a reel
Through an old spinning wheel
Through
a bag of feathers
Through an old mud wa
If that's not a riddle
There's
no riddle at all.
A:
A moth.
Q Which fish go to heaven when they die?
A: Angelfish.
Q
What did the man do when he thought he was dying?
A: Moved into the living room.
Q
Why is a belt like a dustcart?
A: Because it goes around the waist.
Q
Why was the farmer cross?
A: Because someone walked on his corn.
Q Why did the man throw his watch out the window?
A: To see time fly.
Q
What is the longest night of the year?
A: A fortnight.
Q
What has four eyes and a mouth?
A: The missippippi.
Q
Where do bees keep their money?
A: In a honey box.
Q
What makes the Tower of Pisa lean?
A: It doesn’t eat much.
Q What did the hat say to the scarf?
A: You hang along and I'll go ahead.
Q
What is the best food for athletes?
A: Runner Beans.
Q
How would you know a Kerry farmer?
A: He would be standing in another man's field.
Q Where would you weigh a whale?
A: In a weigh station.
Q
What can run but can’t walk?
A: Water.
Q
What's the best thing to take into a desert?
A: A thirst-aid kit.
Q What type of house weighs the least?
A: A lighthouse.
Q
How does a fireplace feel when you fill it with coal?
A: Grate-full.
Q
Why are fish makers so mean?
A: Because their job makes them sell fish.
Q. How do you use an Egyptian doorbell?
A: Toot and come in.
Q What kind of cat lives in the ocean?
A: An octopus.
Q What does the postman take to vampires?
A: Fang mail.
Q
What did the cannibal say to the explorer?
A: Nice to be meat you
Q
What does a vegetarian cannibal eat?
A: Swedes.
Q
Why did boy close his eyes in front of the mirror?
A: He wanted to see what he looked like when he was asleep.
Q
Name two animals that give milk?
A: None do-you take it from them.
Q
What can you see and feel but can’ t touch?
A: The sun.
Patricia
Saint
Patrick, Patron Saint of Ireland
Saint Patrick was born in Scotland. Patrick was kidnapped
at the age of sixteen, and taken to Ireland, where he was
sold into slavery. He learned all of the ways of his Irish
captors, and developed a deep– rooted belief and trust in
God. In a dream he was told how to escape. He left Ireland,
and returned to his family in Scotland. He studied for the
priesthood and worked until he became a bishop. It was at
this time that he was assigned to return to Ireland. Back
in Ireland, Patrick performed many miracles, and converted
many people to the Catholic faith. In his teaching, Patrick
used the Shamrock to demonstrate the belief of three persons
in one God, the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit. Thus
the Shamrock became the symbol of the Irish Catholic Faith.
The Feast day of Saint Patrick is celebrated on the 17th
of March each year, at home and abroad. It is also the day
he died and returned to God. We hope that all the members
of Platinum Clubhouse, and Clubhouse’s all over the world
have a lovely Saint Patrick’s Day. At this time of year,
we think also of all the Irish People who are Living and
Working all over the World.
